Thursday, December 6, 2012


Okay, okay.  I'll admit it.  I was wrong.  Apparently, for some reason, this blog didn't continue generating readable material by itself.  I had foolishly been working under the impression that, much like a stolen car after a clean getaway, I just had to give it a few initial shoves and it would pick up self sustaining speed on its way down the hill.  It turns out that it doesn't actually work that way.  Sorry about that.

So, like, hi and all that stuff.  How have you been since we last spoke?  I suppose I have a lot of things to update you about, so why don't I just get to it by starting with a new section to this blog called...


In this section I will discuss interesting tidbits of information I've picked up during shoots and will then put them into one of two categories: Things I'm Glad I Learned or Things I'm Not Glad I Learned.  Let us begin...

Hey, did you know that Hepatitis C is curable?  I didn't until a recent shoot I did for WebMD.  So, yeah.  Not only is it curable, it's easily curable and after you're cured your liver completely heals itself.  Pretty cool, right?  Not that I have ever had any reason to worry about Hep C, but still, that's useful knowledge.  That's a thing I'm glad I learned.

You know what's nowhere near as cool as Hep C being curable?  Bladder cancer.  Or, more specifically, the number one cause of bladder cancer: being a male human.  Yeah, you see, the BOR guys and I do these semi-regular shoots at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center where the days basically consist of setting everything up for about three hours, taking an hour for lunch and then being absolutely bombarded with a metric fuckton of depressing as shit statistical information for about two hours.  It's on these shoots that I've learned such uplifting facts as "everyone is going to eventually have skin cancer, so we should probably just get used to the idea," and the above mentioned "really, the best way to avoid bladder cancer is to, like, not be male."  Why the fuck did I need to know that?  It falls directly into the Shit I Can't Do Anything About, But Thanks For Making Me Worry About It Anyway category.  This is a thing I'm not glad I learned.

Did you know that there such a thing as pork pot pie?  I was completely unaware of this member of the pot pie family until I shot at Alla Spinna in Philadelphia (one of my least favorite cities, btw) with Unique Eats about a week ago.  It's really good.  If you get a chance, and you eat the animals, you should try it.  The existence of pork pot pie is a thing I'm glad I learned about.

But hey, don't let a brief stint in the generally jolly world of food shows let you think it's all roses from here on, because it was back to WebMD for me, where I learned this little factoid that's been kicking around the medical profession for quite some time: it's fucking amazing that anyone is born without serious birth defects.  There is so much shit that not only can, but probably should go wrong that it's mind blowing that it doesn't happen more often.  Or, like every time.  As humans we're an absolute mess of genetic information that's basically hanging on for dear life from tumbling into all of us having overly thick tongues, webbed toes, severe immune deficiencies and dying before we're a year old.  So I had to sit there all day with my headphones on listening to charming terms like "not compatible with prolonged life" over and over.  Totally fun.  And once again, there's nothing you can do about it.  But now, if I ever want to have children, I'll have to think about all this crap.  Thanks, doctors.  This is shit I'm not glad I learned.

Note: During the above shoot I kept hearing the term "Fragile X."  Now, while I obviously didn't think it was some rad punk band from the 80's, I assumed that it would still be something cool.  I mean, whatever it is, it's called Fragile X!  That name is seriously dope.  So I finally asked the doctor and yep, you guessed it, Fragile X is an absolutely terrifying genetic disorder that FUCKING GETS EXPONENTIALLY WORSE WITH EACH NEW GENERATION!  THE THING ISN'T ONLY HEREDITARY, IT'S CUMULATIVELY HEREDITARY!   However, on the upside, I learned the term "Vaginal Ultrasound," which isn't a bad thing, but still sounds like a rad punk band from the 80's.  So I guess I broke even there.

Okay, that's enough of T.I.G.I.L vs T.I.N.G.I.L. for now.  Moving on...

So, as you can probably tell from my lack of posts, the last couple of months have been totally bonkers on the work front, which hasn't left me much time for this little pet project.  I've been on a ton of those WebMD shoots, a bunch of Comedy Central stuff (I'll post clips from that after the shows air), some rando EPK shoots, food porn galore and a bunch of other day play stuff I'm not remembering right now.  I have pictures I could upload, but I'd have to go grab my phone to do that and I currently have a cat sleeping on my lap.  I'd hate to disturb her, as she has a very long day of doing nothing in front of her, so she needs her rest.  I'll get them later.

Lastly, I would like to thank George Clooney for the lovely holiday gift baskets he sent to all of the cast and crew of Home, James.  It was a very sweet gesture after the whole Tulsa thing.*

Later, gators.

(*Clooney has yet to send us any holiday gift baskets, but who knows when the next time I update this thing will be, so I wanted to preemptively thank him now.  I mean, I assume he's going to send us gift baskets.  They're only like $30 each, so for a guy as stupidly rich as him it would be a real dick move to not send us all gift baskets.  Seriously, how many of us were there?  15?  16 including the weird ginger kid?  That's, like, $480 total.  Clooney, you seriously can't spend that on us?  You're an asshole.)